前两天，我终于想明白了！我就是太在乎别人想法了，尤其在乎别人对我聪明程度的看法，所以非要说好多好多话显得自己见识不凡不可 (我知道某女又要说说我行为很man了）。特别对刚认识的人，我每时每刻都在想别人怎么看我，实在是太太太紧张了。

青春期的时候对外表更在意些。从前被说“内秀”我都快要被气死了，这不是明摆着说我“外不秀”嘛。

同学们，这就是一个狮子座人纠结的内心啊。Too self-conscious，too eager to prove themselves.说到底还是一个自我价值的问题，对自己的评估不应该建立在别人的评价基础上，而应该相信自己本来就有很好的品质和价值。重心不在别人想什么，而是自己想什么。

人和人之间，当然能建立亲密的关系和感情交流，让人觉得知彼如知己。但是 客观现实跟主观的感受是不同的，对他人的内心尤其是语言以外的微妙变化和动机，终究不可能绝对清楚，尤其难以设身处地站在对方立场假想一种对他有利而对自己有害的冲突。人的第一本能，多数时候是自保，虽然未必高尚或道德，却是常见和难以抗拒的现象。我喜欢引用Miller’s Crossin里的台词： “Nobody knows anybody.  Not that well.”

这是俺一直想写的论题，人家写的已经很透彻了。

另外我在研究这位同学的职场报告, 顺便也琢磨了我要往哪里方向走

wiki article on the history, disciplines and methods of psychology
overview

On Therapy:
Jun大人的强悍读书报告

A case of obsessive disorder:
又素恶人谷

Linking psychology with 滴百
额的神啊, 我也看不大懂

A case of abnormal psychology
tnnd真是雷死我了

mainstream theory of infant attachment
从自杀谈到做父母
literature review

今天看到这个(from zs), 个人感觉其实相处模式不一定一致, 但父母肯定对孩子爱人以及如何得到爱能力至关重要. 看了这段我终于明白为啥有人拿自虐/虐人当爱情了(琼瑶阿姨肯定小时候缺乏爱咔咔):

问下他小时侯家庭情况怎么样，是不是他爸妈一直对他在精神上并不怎么关心，而且还经常贬低他，是不是在6岁之前都缺乏母亲的照顾，极度没有安全感，他现在 所有对你的态度都是典型的潜意识发作，他有痛苦，很深的痛苦，是从童年开始积累的，以至于他必须将给他痛苦经历在重新复制一次，复制在你和他之间，他的部 分痛苦转移到了你身上，他才会觉得好受点。
你也是一样，能那么没原则的接受这一切，绝对不是你爱他，爱情不是这样的，你在小时侯遇到的问题也不会小，只是你的复制方式不一样而已，你们都 在重复自己小时侯的遭遇，只是对象变了而已，不信你和他仔细回想下你们小时候各自的经历，你们在现在这样的关系下的心理状态是不是和当年和某些人跟你们的 关系特别象？或者不是发生在你们自己身上，而是在2个非常亲密的大人身上？
建议看看武志宏写的心理学分析帖子，应该可以查到，你会明白很多你不明白自己为什么能接受的事情最后居然能接受，你以为那是命运，那是爱，其实那不是，那只是你的需要，你渴望的，或许有些很变态，但那是真实的，只有面对了，才能真正从各种痛苦中解脱。

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.

Quick now, here, now, always—

A condition of complete simplicity

(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

我们不会停止探索而我们一切探索的终点将是我们出发的地方并且是生平第一遭知道的这地方。当世界的终极犹待我们去发现的时候穿过那未知的，回忆起的大门就是我们过去的起点；在最漫长的大河的源头有深藏的瀑布的飞湍声在苹果林中有孩子们的欢笑声，不被知道, 只因没被寻找而只是听到，隐约听到，在大海两次潮汐之间的寂静里。

倏忽易逝的现在，这里，现在，永远——一种极其简单的状态（要求付出的代价却不比任何东西少）而一切终将安然无恙，时间万物也终将安然无恙当火舌交织成牢固的火焰烈火与玫瑰合二为一的时候。

you have to really get into it, and eventually be at ease
with it. for

reading, i read a lot of english fictions in china very
quickly and probably

very carelessly; it helped for sure but my writing stank
straight way all the

time. it was a few years later that i read favorite pieces
very very slowly,

digesting sentence by sentence, even word by word and
grabbed any chance to

express in english. they turned out both pleasurable and
rewarding.

similarly, for some papers in your professional area, you'd
read/analyze

them tens or hundreds of times to gain depth and extent of
knowledge.

the way of things is connected.

some people who don't care for literature or novels a single

bit, also have very fine english. they are very
self-displined and

purposeful, reading journals (those not related with their
area) in an

awefully regulated pace, or they are very outspoken and
enjoy chatting and

writing. they'd push themselves forward. practice, practice.
even native

english speakers grab those chances of public presentations.
we can't be

thouroughly at home with english. but i can pretend, can't
i?;)

为什么我写这种post总是没人留言呢! 怒了

呜呜呜...今天度过了一个sleepless night赶project, 你们也不理我

Under heaven all can see beauty as beauty only because there is ugliness.
All can know good as good only because there is evil.

Here is a hilarious post about one paragraph which is particularly sinuous:
Quote: